Everybody's wondering about Johnny
He still don't seem quite right
Ever since Coach and Ronnie
Brought him into the gym at first light

It was evident that he was out there
By the way that he crossed his eyes
No one had ever seen anything like it
At any of their poker nights

They found him in the field
Grinning ear to ear
He was stark naked
And stark raving mad

Many theories were postulated
To explain this strangest scene
When questions were asked to Johnny
All he said was "jelly beans"

They found him in the field
Grinning ear to ear
He was stark naked
And stark raving mad

Alien abduction maybe did melt his brain
But the last that we had seen him
He was laughing at the football game

Well the doctors investigated
And examined Johnny's lungs and heart
He's healthy as horse they proclaimed
But his endorphins 'shooting off the charts!

They found him in the field
Grinning ear to ear
He was stark naked
And stark raving mad